Cast: Part 1

Izzy Pritchard

Developed a video game called Pro Ass Fishing, wherein the player catches and fucks fish-themed monster girls. It became an overnight worldwide sensation. Now with more money than she knows what to do with, Izzy is rapidly losing her grip on reality.


Astrophysicist with extreme anger issues.

Noah initially attempted to keep Izzy's bizarre behavior in line, but when it became apparent that was a losing battle, he gave up and embraced the madness. Also has a weird mutant elephant penis, which he's sensitive about.


Excellent cook and lover of all things badical.

Hashim is always eager for a good time, although his idea of a good time usually involves extreme sports and fire. Despite that, he's incredibly sweet and loyal to his friends.


Izzy's laconic secretary with a wicked S&M; fetish.

Originally hired to help keep Izzy's general life in order, Renee now handles everything from scheduling to finances to settling lawsuits. Izzy offered to double her salary if she worked topless, which she happily accepted.


The terrifying and domineering leader of Izzy's board of directors.

She believes in a "Maximum Profit Equation", a formula to engineer a product capable of total market saturation. Izzy and Darcy have now reconciled, and are in a polyamorous relationship with Tanya. Secretly likes sewing and cosplay.


Cafe waitress and Izzy's hapless girlfriend.

After being sexually propositioned at random by Izzy, Tanya found herself head-over-heels for Izzy's strange reckless nature. However, she's not very inoculated against Izzy's bizarre lifestyle, and often finds herself confused or frightened by the antics of her new friends.


Paranoid schizophrenic goth girl.

Len sees more things than most people, through use of psychoactive substances, strange rituals, and inhuman machinery. She started following Izzy around one day and never left. Nowadays, people just accept her presence and try to ignore her insane ranting. Dating Noah.


Izzy's narcoleptic new artist.

Hiro believes that if you're going to be an artist in this day and age, you've got to be the best. If he's not working on something at all times, that means another artist is out there surpassing him. To that end, the poor boy never sleeps so he has more time to work on his art.


A bubbly and cheerful little clown girl.

She loves nothing more than to make people smile. To that end, she knows lots of pranks and tricks to lighten the mood in any situation. However, not all of her friends share her capricious sense of humor. Dating Hashim, as he makes her laugh.


Izzy's pet hyena, which she bought from "a guy".

Baby loves Izzy, assorted meat, and other things vaguely resembling dogs. The import of Baby was more than likely illegal, but that doesn't matter. She's here now, and as far as Izzy's concerned, there isn't a better pet in the world.


Izzy's violent, horrible nephew.

Max is a weird little kid. He's not very popular, but the other kids know better than to pick on him so as not to be kicked in the head. He's got a bigger vocabulary than a kid his age aught to have, which he uses to extort and cajole adults into doing what he wants.


Max's reluctant imaginary friend.

Min began life as a curse doll Izzy made in high school to ward off her sister's stalker. Years later, Min would be given to Max as a plaything. She never asked to be made real by Max, and has no qualms with telling the horrible little child what she thinks of him.


Izzy's alcoholic twin sister.

Identical to Izzy in nearly every way, but without the crippling depression. Adelie is a published novelist, who mostly writes strange genre-fiction about mystery-solving teens. Married to Bella, and of Max's two moms, is the one who birthed him.


Adelie's wife, Max's other mom.

Bella is a complete sweetheart. It's a mystery to everyone how Adelie ever snagged her. She's a homemaker, and does her best to curtail Max's chaos and provide support for Adelie. Bella had her genetic material used to create artificial sperm to inseminate Adelie, creating Max.


A patient but exasperated boy.

Cricket is one half of Max's main cohort of friends, and serves as the angel on his shoulder. He does genuinely like Max, but is sometimes a little put off by the unbridled rage found in his friend. He also doesn't like Vanitas very much, but keeps it to himself for the sake of the group.


A strange girl with googly eyes.

Bee is an energetic odd little girl with eyes that are so crossed they spiral around. She's got a very open crush on Cricket, one that he's not too happy about. She's always up for any kind of adventure, and loves to be included in things.


A degenerate goth kid.

Vanitas is a garbagey little monster, but one that's mostly tolerable. For now. He likes breaking things, hitting people, stealing stuff, and terrorizing anyone within range. He's also best friends with Calixta and The Nevershould.


A sweet girl who expresses affection oddly.

Calixta is Max's girlfriend, and the best friend of Vanitas and The Nevershould. She comes from a well-to-do family, and so despite the crowd she hangs out with, she doesn't like rudeness or swearing. She loves Max dearly for some weird reason.

The Nevershould

Congealed regret shaped like a boy.

Friendship can come in strange places. Sometimes you find it coagulated inside of a drain pipe by the side of the road. So it was when Vanitas and Calixta found The Nevershould, and they've been inseparable ever since. What is he? He is a friend, and that's all that matters.


A very good boy.

What's more magical than the friendship between a boy and his dog? Not much, as far as Robert is concerned! Robert is Max's dog. Don't worry, he's not fat. He's just very, very fluffy.



You ever know that kid that calls everything gay? That talks a lot of shit for someone so easily punchable? Skyler is that kid. Born to upper-middle class parents, Skyler has never wanted for anything, and it shows. He and Max hate each other fiercely.

Mrs. Cruddletwat

Withered old crone.

Mrs. Cruddletwat is *that* teacher. We've all had one at some point. Some crusty old bat who seemingly hates children with all her being, and yet for some reason is still a teacher. Who knows why these people do what they do? Sadism? Masochism? It is a mystery.

Coach Bobert

Perverse gym teacher.

What is wrong with gym teachers? Everything about public school gym class seems designed to extract the maximum amount of discomfort from children. From the mandatory tiny pants to the public showering, nothing about it is okay. Coach Bobert is kind of a pedophile, and everyone knows it.

Chocly the Sweetboy

Crack-addled mascot.

Chocly was designed to be the perfect Christmastime pal. Unfortunately during his test run, the carnies at Santa's village got him addicted to crack. Chocly has since gotten clean, but many children will retain haunting memories of being covered in fudge by a grotesque chocolate golem.


A bizarre faceless homeless man Izzy found.

Initially without any face or genetalia to speak of, Jerry appears to be undergoing an ongoing moulting process, leaving him with more face than before. His new ability to speak has revealed him to be even more disturbed than previously thought.


Violent insane psychopath, and Izzy's former artist. Despite his moody temperament, violent moodswings, and general distain for all life including his own, Asher and Izzy had a tense but workable business relationship. However, after a kidnapping and attempted murder, Izzy severed their working ties with a cleaver to the face.


Ex-cuban revolutionary.

Izzy hired Sergio to perform general odd-jobs around her building. Essentially anything from picking up a latte to beating up protesters. The man does everything, and he does it thoroughly and violently. Has recently earned a promotion to Captain of the Royal Guard.


A sweaty boy with sweaty dreams.

Rumpus would very much like to be a writer. The problem is he's just so bad at it. He's a sweet kid, but all his stories are self-insert fiction about meeting a manic pixie dream girl who solves all his problems. Adelie has taken him under her wing, and he's getting better.


Comic shop owner and purveyor of wisdom.

Izzy has a crippling comic book addiction, and Colin is there to provide the fix. Sure, Izzy COULD just buy all the comics she'd ever need all at once, but then she wouldn't have the fun of going to the comic store. And while she's there, Colin is happy to offer sage wisdom.


Izzy's self-appointed "rival".

Damian is an artist, and a fellow game designer. He's in it more for the "artistic integrity", whatever that means, and so his games tend to be high-concept and low-fun. Damian however believes this makes him the superior designer much to Izzy's displeasure.


Hashim's evil twin brother.

Xoltan believes himself to be the "evil twin" between himself and Hashim. Unfortunately for him, there's no such thing, and even if there were, he's terrible at it. His idea of evil usually falls somewhere between "mildly annoying" and "completely unnoticeable".


A very VERY loud alien.

An alien from beyond the stars summoned by Len. He's gauging humanity to see whether we're fit to join the galactic council or be turned into nutrient paste. So far he's leaning towards the first option because Len is showing him a good time. His species has no concept of volume control.


Skyler's entitled mother.

Some women are genetically predisposed to asking to speak to your manager. Helen is one of these women. Given how she is, it's no wonder Skyler grew up to be the way he is. Perhaps there's hope for Skyler to change, but not as long as Helen can help it.

Xanthe and the Screamin’ Demons

Renee's roller derby team.

Roller derby is a team sport where lesbians crash into each other very very hard. Naturally, this was an incredibly attractive pasttime for Renee. Xanthe is the captain of the Screamin' Demons, and she's earned that spot by being as vicious as they come.


Habitually-underemployed gossiper.

Some people know when to keep their mouths shut. Sybil is not one of those people. With a penchant for leaking company secrets casually, Sybil finds herself adrift between jobs constantly. You'd think people would be more thankful for learning which restaurants serve rat meat, but more often than not it's the messenger who gets shot.


Darcy's best friend, however horrifying that is.

Galatea is the ultimate businesswoman, willing to do anything to squeeze a few extra dollars out of her clients. To that end, she chemically blinded herself so she wouldn't be swayed by their snivelling, pleading faces. Galatea's company has an absolute monopoly on the distribution of comics in America, and she abuses that for all it's worth.

Red Snapper and the Fish-Girls

Enigmatic and alluring woman from the sea.

A long time ago, her mother saved Izzy and her sister from a terrible accident, and now she has done so as well. The fish-girls are a mysterious race of women that live below the waves. Izzy believed she had dreamed them up, but they are very real and very mysterious.

Technicolor Tammy and The Jimmies

Demented cartoon show.

The Jimmies is a variety cartoon and puppet show that airs new episodes every Saturday morning. The skits are bizarre and entirely inappropriate for children. They promote dangerous habits, antisocial behavior, and it is entirely a mystery how this show is still on the air.

Canyon and the Wrestleboys

A big man with a big heart.

Professional wrestling is a magical sport that pays like shit. If you want to do it, you have to REALLY want to do it, and such is the case with Canyon, Wreckage, Sqyd, and the rest of the pro wrestlers. Canyon has money troubles, as it takes a lot of food to maintain such a big body.

Omegaman and the Just Us League

Champion of justice, do-er of good.

In a world gone mad, people need hope. They need heroes. Omegaman and the rest of the Just Us League are there to answer the call. When he was torn apart atom-by-atom in the gravity chamber, Omegaman gained access to the Omega Force: THE DEATH THAT IS LIFE!

Miss Mantis

Vigilante that stalks the night.

Ever since her parents were decapitated by a crazed robber after a screening of Gladiator, Ruth Cartwright has wanted nothing but to purge the evil that haunts society. She trained for years to become the peak human, and now she unleashes that fury as Miss Mantis, champion of the downtrodden!


Sarcastic Sidekick Robin grew up in the circus, and was orphaned when the crazed ringmaster killed her parents. Seeing herself in the girl, Miss Mantis took her in, and taught her to channel her anger into something productive. Now she fights crime as Scarab! Despite this, she can't resist jabbing her mentor now and again.

Doctor Bald

Idiot savant.

Doctor Bald is what you get when you put all your points into intelligence and none into wisdom. He's an absolute genius, centuries ahead of his time, but he has absolutely no good ideas on how to use his inventions practically. Creator of Kirsty, Frankenhooker, and many insidious devices. Arch-enemy of Omegaman.


Izzy's clone sister.

Kirsty was created by Doctor Bald at the behest of Venus in an attempt to ruin Izzy's life. However, when the scheme was foiled, Kirsty was still hanging around. Izzy and Adelie decided to adopt her as their new sister. Sweet, bubbly, and kind of a dumb bimbo, Kirsty is truly the anti-Izzy. No sex until after marriage for this gal! Engaged to Lucian.


The modern prometheus.

A truly re-animated woman created by Doctor Bald, stitched together from the sexiest corpses available. Initially she was supposed to be the perfect prostitute, but Doctor Bald's scheme to make money fell apart when she just refused to participate. She helps Doctor Bald with odd jobs in his lab. Dating Ghost Boy.

Ghost Boy

Cute twink from beyond the grave.

Initially a horrifying apparition haunting the halls of Doctor Bald's laboratory, Ghost Boy has since been tamed by the allure of Frankenhooker. Generally fairly meek, but rather frank when it comes to spiritual matters. Doesn't quite know how to handle his girlfriend Frankenhooker, but he's trying.

The Military Police

Violent boys doing their best.

Acting as Izzy's agents to enforce the law on Key Manati, the Military Police is separated into four divisions. The Heart Guard are Izzy's personal security. The Club Guard are police officers. The Spade Guard are military, and the Diamond Guard are special intelligence.

Key Manati Citizens

Drug-Addled Lunatics

Izzy's proclivities and Key Manati's random and poorly-enforced laws have created a very special type of citizen. The average citizen is far more likely to be in some way unhinged, and it makes living there quite interesting.


District attorney out for blood.

Venus was the district attorney of Fort Vilese. But for mysterious reasons, she made it her life's mission to ruin Izzy's. They have since gone their separate ways, and Venus is now the secretary of state for the United States.


Weaboo trash.

The brusque enforce of Venus' revenge squad, Zachary was used in missions where muscle and unrelenting fury were needed. He had his own axe to grind with Izzy, and was more than happy to act as Venus' attack dog. Also, he's a total anime dork.


One sane man in the room.

Dario joined Venus' squad as he had legitimate concerns about the cartoon based off of Izzy's game, which his younger brother liked to watch. Of course, considering that, he was often completely ignored in favor of the louder voices in the room.

Crow Guy

Brash asshole.

Crow Guy worked with Venus as it gave him an opportunity to throw his weight around and hurt people. Foul-mouthed and jittery, Crow Guy now works for Izzy as part of the legendary Beach Cops unit, who have made a quick name for themselves on the shores of Key Manati.

Officer Espinosa

In over her head.

Officer Espinosa was a beat cop used by Venus to serve Izzy summons papers. What she didn't know was that Venus was sending her into the dragon's den. This proved to be more than she could handle, and she quit the force. She and Izzy patched things up though, and now she works as one half of the legendary Beach Cops unit in Key Manati.


Renee's bored sister.

Ah, teenagers. Everything is boring to them. Roxanne is no exception. Even the prestigious internship she managed to get with Venus' office quickly lost it's lustre. Even when her new job became hunting down Izzy and her friends, it still wasn't enough. There's just no pleasing teenagers.


Arcanus: The Widening Champion

Few can comprehend the stygian rules of Arcanus: The Widening. However, some get good at it. REALLY good. And in gaining that knowledge, it is said that they lose something fundamental in what makes them human. Quinn is one such individual. What madness can drive someone to the utter depravities that Quinn revels in? Children's card games. Always, children's card games.


Disgusting idiot.

We've all known a Corey. Sometimes, god forbid, we've been a Corey. That guy who crashes the party with a pack of natty lite, takes off his shirt, poops in the upper tank of the toilet, gets into a fight, passes out drunk on the lawn, and does it all again the next night. Please, if you can, don't be a Corey.

Captain Orca

Unstoppably driven sea-captain.

Revenge is a many-tentacled beast, one that will quickly drag you under the waves of madness if you let it. Such is the case with Captain Orca, who was on a lifelong quest to find the fish-girl that had wronged him. He found himself at odds with Izzy when his quest led to Key Manati.


Half-breed pot addict.

Ally is what's known as a chimera, a fish-girl that lacks the ability to breathe underwater. Orca found her living with alligators in the swamps of Florida, and he taught her everything she knows. Ally feels a great amount of gratitude towards Orca, and follows him on his adventures.

Flamingo Joe

That's not his name.

Flamingo Joe is a cantankerous old man who has made it his life's mission to study the mysterious fish-girls. Unfortunately for them, he's perfectly content with using such questionable methods as kidnapping, murder, and vivisection in order to further his research. He booked Captain Orca's boat to Key Manati to further his studies, but was thwarted by Izzy and her friends.

The Jellyfish Girl

Mysterious woman of the abyss.

The fish-girls are an elusive and ethereal group, and the Mexican Woman-of-War Jellyfish Girl takes that to an entirely new level. Given the creature her biology is modeled after, it's unclear if this strange creature even has higher brain functions. While most fish-girls are more or less strange humans, this one acts more like an animal. Captain Orca was obsessed with killing this woman at all costs.


Izzy and Adelie's mother.

Perhaps one of the most terrifying things in the world is when you do not have anywhere safe you can be. When the very bottom of your hierarchy of needs is unstable and dangerous. Morrigan is the specter that casts a shadow across Izzy's entire life, the source of all of her fears and nightmares


Florida man.

In Florida, there is a man. A deranged, drug-addled mental patient who does whatever he wants, at all times, regardless of the consequences to anyone. He is the apex of the Id, the absolute dead-end of the lizard brain. He is a beer-swililng, meth-addicted nutbar and he absolutely cannot be stopped or reasoned with. And he has some connection to Izzy...


Strung-out mime.

Florida man's henchman and friend. It seems that every so often, Florida man gets lonely and recruits a couple of weirdos to tear across the state with. Methany is one such weirdo. She seems sweet enough, but her miming skills are so eerily convincing that she seems to be able to affect physical reality around herself.

Clem and the Good ol’ Boys

Baked redneck.

Go far enough into the swamp and you'll meet guys like Clem. Fellas that live off the land and murder anyone that comes onto their property. Or at least, the property they've been squatting on for generations. Clem and his brothers are following around Floridaman, but despite seeming normal enough on the surface, something is seriously wrong with these boys.